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Defining the ‘Big O’ and Help on How to Achieve It
If you don’t
think you’ve ever had an orgasm, then, in all likelihood, you
are right — and this is called primary anorgasmia.
Ten to 15
percent of women have never had an orgasm. The causes for this
range from feeling sexually inhibited so that you are unable to
really explore what is most exciting for you and subsequently
can’t tell your partner what would work either, to having
suffered from some sexual trauma earlier in life making you
afraid of being sexual, to the use of a medication (like
antidepressants) or too much alcohol, which can make having an
orgasm more difficult.
Usually,
however, it is just that you haven’t yet figured out what works
for you. This is why it is so important to take the time to stimulate yourself in
private, so that you can figure out which parts are the most
sensitive and what exactly feels best. Really,
it’s hard to overstate the value of good old-fashioned
masturbation.
Most women cannot climax from intercourse alone (only 20 percent
can) and really need direct clitoral stimulation (with a hand, a
tongue or whatever else seems handy). To help you along in your
quest for a climax, the use of
Vigorelle clitoris stimulant
cream can be invaluable!
Try being on
top during intercourse, where you will get more pressure from
his pubic bone and pressure you can control, in addition to both
of you having better access to stimulating your clitoris. It
takes the average woman 20 minutes to reach climax. That’s a lot
of foreplay! So, if you are getting the quick once-over and on
to intercourse, it just may not be enough. Try to relax and
expect that you are going to allow for a full half-hour of
foreplay.
Many women
worry — “It’s taking too long,” “My God, he must be bored” or
“This is never going to work” — and as a result, their anxiety,
speed to intercourse and inability to drift with sexual fantasy
make orgasm impossible.
When you
have never had an orgasm, it can feel like looking for a
“widget,” that thing you have never seen so you don’t know what
it looks like. In this case it is really helpful to just HAVE
ONE so you can then know where you are trying to go. Here, a
vibrator can really do the job. For example,
the magic wand,
a handheld vibrator that is also a body massager in general, has
a lot of power. It will allow you to power your way to an
orgasm. To help your genitals along on the way to an orgasm,
apply a little Vigorelle
cream to your clitoris - the effect can be outstanding!
For some
women, the effect of the vibrator is actually too stimulating,
in which case you can use it on top of your panties to diminish
the sensation but still have it work.
Once you’ve
had an orgasm, you will know it and it will be easier for you to
work toward it without a vibrator (although it is a good idea to
keep the vibrator around for extra fun).
By Dr. Gail
Saltz who is a psychiatrist with New York Presbyterian Hospital
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